IE 6? Just upgrade. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.


Zoey or … Optimus?

The clan has always enjoyed a game of TF2. That’s Team Fortress 2. But how does the newest TF2 game, that’s the game of the movie Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen, stack up? Let’s compare heroines!

Weapon of choice


Optimus with dual guns

Dual pistols

Zoey with dual (black) pistols

+1 to Zoey for unlimited ammo
-1 to Optimus for packing guns that overheat

Best fashion sense

Optimus wears a red top

Optimus wears a red top

Zoey wears a red top

Zoey wears a red top

They both wear red tops, but we think Zoey gets +1 here for realistic battle damage. And Optimus, what’s with the tacky flame job? Transforming truck robots don’t need to pretend to be cool!

Best disguise

A peterbuilt for dang's sake!

Optimus tears it up as a truck

Zoey has a flashlight

Zoey has a flashlight

+1 to Optimus here, he ain’t no Mac, he’s a Peterbuilt for dang’s sake. Zoey, turn out that light ya moron!

Best in lego

Lego truck and robot

Lego truck and robot

Lego Zoey

Lego Zoey

+1 Optimus, props where due:

Best costume

Adult sized and lame

Adult sized and lame

A red jacket

A red jacket

We expected a lot more here! There’s not enough to make a call, and anyway, you could wear both.
Ok, enough fashion. Even though looking good is important, even after the apocalypse.

Who’s got your back?

Optimus is a hero

Optimus is a hero

Zoey shoots first

Zoey shoots first!

Optimus: Freedom is the right of all sentient beings.
Zoey: If it’s not one of us, kill it!

We’re not sure, but we suspect Optimus might decide he needs to protect the zombies! He’s got such a hero complex, he’s likely to protect the humans, the Autobots, humans, bunnies, zombies, humans, the All-Spark, and humans. In fact, he’s liable to sacrifice himself when you need him the most. No, if you need your back got, it’s +1 to Zoey for understanding it’s every heroine for herself in the post-apocalyptic world!


So is TF2 (not to be confused with TF2) worth your dosh? (What is dosh anyway?) If being able to tell your mates “yeah, I went hunting for energon, hid out as a car then transformed on some Decepticreep a*s and took him down!!” is as important to you as it is to me, then yes!

One transformer fan was mildly offended in the writing of this post.

5 Responses to “Zoey or … Optimus?”

  1. tofu

    Love it! ++ for self-parody but this just raises the question: how does Optimus cope with Boomer bile?

  2. It doesn’t worry him at all, he can be revived with a sock full of dust!

  3. Ali

    When GA come out I feel a few more comparison coming on – Assaut vs Heavy, Recon vs Spy etc.

  4. […] Ali predicted, here is the long awaited Global Agenda vs Zoey smackdown. You know what that means: time to […]

  5. […] as there are no female characters in the game. That will make comparing heroines difficult, but—it’s been done before.Got to say, I was happy to preorder for $38.83. No way I was paying $90!!You have 1 month to […]

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